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So I’m back from my ENT, and as can be expected, he thinks surgery is the best option. I wasn’t surprised by this decision, nor was I upset. After we spoke about the procedure he asked,

“Is there anything else you’d like me to do?”

“You mean, cosmetically?” I asked innocently.  “Well, he said. I see that it’s a bit crooked at the top. I could adjust that while I’m in there. Shave the bone and add some cartilage.”

“And that will give the appearance of being smaller?

“Oh no. It will be bigger.

BIGGER?  Are you serious?  I’ve been living with his Dago Proboscis for nearly 50 years and you want to make it bigger?

I’ll pass on the cosmetics, thank you.