Chapter two

Posted on June 28th, by James McAllen in Uncategorized. No Comments

“When one door closes, another one opens.”

I’ve heard that little nugget about 746,000 times in my life. And I hated it every time.

The fact of the matter is… it’s true.

To recap the ongoing saga of my professional life, I resigned from my job last week. I gave two weeks notice and then asked if I could use my vacation days so I could just move on and not have to come back.

Of course, the little megalomaniac with the Napoleon complex said, No.

I had a meltdown. I was livid. I was apoplectic. I gave him blast after blast and caught him in lie after lie, but all he said was, “I’m not into negotiating.” We ended the conversation badly and then I went on a Facebook tirade. It was rather brilliant, if I may say-so, but it didn’t help. I had … Read More »

Fear Strikes Out

Posted on June 24th, by James McAllen in Uncategorized. 2 comments

Fear Strikes out…

That was the title of the book and movie about Jimmy Piersall, a former Major leaguer who battled with mental illness his entire life. I borrowed the title because I’ve been battling with a few demons for the past few weeks. Some days I get a few licks in… some days they win.

Not today.

After weeks of waffling, I walked into the office of my manager and handed over my resignation letter. I’m not going to lie and tell you that I didn’t enjoy the moment, but for days I was terrified.

When I was 29, I left a great company for another job. I did so without a moment of fear.

When I was 40, I decided to go back to school and try to make a career change. It took a few weeks of planning and a bit of … Read More »

The breast day ever…

Posted on June 14th, by James McAllen in Uncategorized. 5 comments

I don’t know how many times I’ve been to Central Park, but I’m certain it’s in the hundreds. And yet every time I go there, I either find a new route, or see something new. Yesterday both happened.

I started out on the Fifth Ave side of the park, and after a bunch of twists and turns, found myself over by the Hans Christian Andersen statue and a body of water called the Conservatory. Truth be told, I didn’t like this area particularly much, so I made my way up the hilly slope towards the 72nd street exit. Off to the right was an oblong patch of grass that contained a few dozen people milling about in various forms of leisure. In my never-ending search for things to write about, I happened to gaze upon a young woman with a number … Read More »

Fear and the Devil

Posted on June 12th, by James McAllen in Uncategorized. 7 comments

The first in an ongoing series about fear…

I’ve been trying to write this blog for about 4 days. And each time I start, I am forced to stop and delete it. The reason, quite simply, is fear. No pun intended. I was afraid to put this blog out into the world.

Today started out bad. From the minute I opened my eyes, I knew it was gonna be a long, arduous day. I could taste the apprehension in the back of my throat. I’ll tell you why.

For the longest time, I have been miserable at work. The job is ok. The hours are ok. But I am completely unfulfilled. After complaining about it for the better part of two years, I started looking for alternatives. I had an interview last week. I won’t reveal the company yet, but they offered me … Read More »

Confessions of a sometimes atheist…

Posted on June 4th, by James McAllen in Uncategorized. 3 comments

In 2000, after 18 months of depression and soul-searching, with a healthy does of religious reading thrown in, I came out of the closet… as an atheist. I did it at an AA meeting. My friends looked at me like I said I was a baby-killer. The woman next to me shifted her chair away. I said “Don’t worry, it’s not contagious.”

I’m what I like to call an 80/20 atheist. I don’t really believe in god, but I pray a lot… just in case. Sometimes I pray for things… sometimes I just pray for knowledge or guidance. Mostly I just pray for the strength not to kill stupid people. I say that prayer a lot.

I was raised a catholic… kind of. We didn’t go to mass all that much, but I knew all rules and the prayers and rituals. I … Read More »